Yo!

My name is Tyler and I'm a comedian or whatever.

 

I don’t normally do the “celebrity death” post (and I certainly never do the “I don’t normally do this” post … but with that said, although I obviously didn’t know you personally, I want to thank you for the laughs Robin Williams. I saw just about all of your movies in theaters growing up and you were a big inspiration. I hope you found your peace. 

The moment I met Hazel Grace was the moment I quit smoking. Through the ignorance of pulling out a cigarette in front of a girl on oxygen I found bliss by making up some bullshit metaphor that didn’t turn out half bad.

Augustus Waters

Denied.

So after a long 7 months of going back and forth sending info and medical records to Ohio disability services I was denied. I was paralyzed from September to December. Then I had to learn how to do everything again in inpatient rehab throughout December and January. I started walking within a week of leaving rehab. I was walker/wheel chair bound for two months after leaving the hospital. Now I walk with a cane and ankle braces and cannot stay standing for longer than two hours straight without tiring out. I’ve even had to leave the grocery store early because of it. I also am unable to drive.

I was denied because they see me being able to return to work within the next 12 months. 

Now I’ve worked since I was 15 years old. Maybe I can return within 12 months. I honestly hope I can. But what about the last 8 months? What about my hospital bills? I ask for a little bit of help from the government and they wait me out until I get better? I’m not one to act like I’m owed something from the government, but I pretty much drained my savings that I’ve been saving for the past 3 years to move out on my own and go to school. 

Oh but in recent news a lady was approved disability for being too obese to work. Her hands were too fat to do her job.

Am I crazy or does the system literally make no sense? If anyone knows of any sort of organizations that can help me out or if anyone has any ideas on what I can do please let me know.

Guillain-Barre Syndrome

On September 21st I woke up noticing that my legs were still asleep. Nothing really out of the normal, I figured standing in the shower would be just the thing to wake them up. When that didn’t take care of it I thought maybe I worked out too hard the night before, so I just jumped in my car and went off to work. After work I went home and laid down because my legs still felt odd. Throughout the day my toes and fingers started tingling and my cough kept getting worst and worst. I even bought an inhaler for $47 and you would all know that was a huge deal if you all knew how cheap I was. By night fall I could barely breath. Everything tasted like metal, even water. I remember thinking how weird it was that I could barely feel my sheets on my legs. I also remember that I was extremely annoyed since they were Egyptian cotton and I spent like a whole pay check on them.

On September 22nd I woke up early. When I went to stand up I almost fell. I told my mom that I had to go to the ER because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was able to step in the shower, but when I got out I wasn’t able to lift my hands above my head to get my shirt on. For the first time in 20 years my mother had to help me get dressed. as I was stepping down off the porch I landed wrong on my foot, My ankle bended and I heard a snap. I was horrified, not from what I did or the sound it made, but because I felt absolutely no pain. My mom helped me to the car and once I was in I began sweating profusely and passed out.  

I woke up in the parking garage of the hospital. My mother swung my arm around her and helped me to the ER entrance. They immediately put me in a wheel chair and started asking me a million questions.then they took me back into a curtained room and the nurse had me change into at hospital gown. A half an hour later the nurse asked me for a urine sample. When I went to stand up I completely collapsed on the ground. A bunch of nurses swarmed in and picked me up. That’s when they started running multiple tests on me such as MRI, catscan, blood tests, two spinal traps (if you’ve ever had one then you know how horrible they are), they even stuck needles in legs and shocked them. By night fall I had no reflex in my legs and I couldn’t wiggle my toes. My arms felt heavier than led and I was put on oxygen. Since the hospital was overcrowded in took them 3 days to move me out of the ER. When they did finally get me into ICU it was the cardiac intensive care unit. They told me it was Guillain-Barre Syndrome and that I’d likely be in the hospital for a few weeks. They informed me that the bronchitis I’ve been fighting off for the past few weeks completely morphed. The virus was now mimicking my nervous system, and my body not being able to tell the difference from the virus or my nervous system, was just killing both, 

I couldn’t believe what they were saying. There was no way I could be in the hospital that long. I had a full time job! By the end of day three I was completely paralyzed from the chest down. By day five I was completely paralyzed from the neck down. The higher they had to turn my oxygen up, the lower my voice got. My voice went from a low tone, to a whisper, to eventually nothing throughout the next few days. By day 7 I was unable to swallow food, liquids, or medicine. The doctor had to put a feeding tube up my nose and down my throat. I also was unable to breath on my own anymore. They had to put a plastic pipe down my throat to pump oxygen in and out of me. Luckily they had me on propofol (the drug Michael Jackson overdosed on) so I remember none of that. By day 10 my mom made the decision for me to be tracheaed and to have a feeding tube hooked directly to my stomach since they didn’t exactly know when this whole thing would be over. I was on a ventilator October until my birthday, which fell on December 1st. They had me highly medicated the whole time, which was nice since my whole body was suffering from severe nerve damage.

I wasn’t able to talk or move for two months straight. I had to use a board with letters and blink once for yes and twice for no. It took forever to say the simplest things. I was moved to a long term acute care building. This was the kind of building people came to die. Late at night I would see body bags on tables being wheeled by my door (since they had a no closed door policy). I wasn’t able to push the nurse call button. They did put an easytouch on my pillow so all I would have to do is tap it with my head to call the nurse, but that often fell between the bed frame and mattress. I normally called for my nurse by thrashing around enough until my oxygen tube fell out causing a siren to go off.  When I finally had enough strength, my nurse was able to put this device in my trachea to allow me to talk. I constantly complained about needless being in my blanket. Nerve pain kind of feels like you’re being stabbed over and over again. That’s how my whole body felt. The drugs also made me tell the nurses there was a cat in my room, but that’s another story. The highlight of my day was getting a sponge on a stick dipped in water and put on my tongue. When I was finally taken off the ventilator and sent to inpatient rehab, I weighed 150 pounds. I went into the hospital weighing 200 (It’s honestly a great weight loss program). First day of rehab it took two nurses to hold me up on the side of my bed. at the very beginning my therapy consisted of batting a balloon around. Over the next two months a accomplished many, many goals. I learned how to sit up on my own and how to extend my legs out. I learned how to move my fingers again, how to hold eating utincels, and how to brush my teeth. I was taught how to use the restroom and how to shower on my own. I was finally able to push myself in my wheelchair giving me the freedom I’ve been longing the last 5 months for. I learned how to brush my own hair and shave my own face again. Then finally, during my last week there, on what felt like my one millionth time, I was able to take a few steps with my walker. I basically had to learn what took me 23 years to learn, in a matter of 2 months. I officially became the longest inpatient rehab patient in 10 years. 

I lived in the hospital for a total of 5 months because of Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Today, 8 months later, I still walk with a cane and leg braces. The doctor said I may never run again and I’m on 9 different medications. But I’m extremely thankful I have my life today and I honestly can’t wait to start doing stand up comedy again. I write this because although I hated it, I still find the whole thing fascinating. I also hope that if people read this maybe they’ll know by the early signs I experienced to get to a hospital sooner than I did. Nobody is safe from GBS. 

What a lovely winter we’re having this spring.

I’m alive. I know almost none of you were worried. I want a divorce.

Woke up today and it still wasn’t summer. Thanks Obama.

Lot’s has happened since last time I posted. I got out of bed. 

I always finish TV shows within like 5 days with nextflix and become so caught up in them that I feel like I know the characters and get kind of depressed when I watch the last episode in the series. It’s like meeting someone on vacation and getting really close to them in that short period of time, and then saying good bye on the last day at the airport, in the pouring rain, knowing you’ll never see each other again. I’m really high.

I had a heat stroke today, I mean technically I dropped it like its hot.

Fun Fact of the Day

All horses have a total of 7 vaginas.

So I did this filter with this photo and I came out looking like a creature from Willy Wonka.  

So I did this filter with this photo and I came out looking like a creature from Willy Wonka.  

1. I think I’m hot

2. Senior pic

3. Roast beef

4. Pregnancy scare

Which caption matches which picture?